Father Wound

What is the Father Wound?

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Sometimes a ‘father wound’ is also referred to as ‘daddy issues’ and these terms are used to describe the emotional, psychological, physical or spiritual pain left by a father. Leaving you with feelings of resentment, disempowerment confusion and being abandoned.

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Here are some examples of what a father wound is:

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• Your father was always working away and when he did come home, although he was present, he was never emotionally available to our own childhood needs.
   

• Your parents divorced and he didn’t consistently show up on the weekends or days he was due to have you, so wasn’t always physically available and therefore neglected your needs. Leaving you with a sense of feeling abandoned and rejected.
   

• Your father was emotionally abusive towards you, chastising you in front of others or putting you down.
   

• Your father was physically abusive towards you, through the form of punishing you for not behaving in way he expected you to.
   

• Your father sexually abused you.

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Here are some signs of how your father wound may be affecting you:

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• Low self-esteem – not having an attachment to your father because you may have been afraid of him or he was emotionally unavailable, can leave you feeling unworthy, resulting in feelings of low self-esteem.
   

• Depression or anxiety – not having a healthy relationship with your father may result in you having mental health problems later in adult life.
   

• Lack of boundaries – not having the guidance from your father or parent about boundaries, can create a lack of confidence in being able to say no, therefore putting other people before yourself.
   

• All or nothing personality – if your father was strict and had a controlling demeanour in his behaviour, you may be left feeling anxious about things not going the way you want, so you are left wanting to know about every minor detail.
   

• Aggressive behaviour – not having the capacity or understanding of why your own father didn’t love you in the way you needed or show up in your life, can leave you feeling angry and resentful. Anger is a normal emotion to experience, but this may result in being overly angry and not know how to manage it.
   

• People pleasing – in order to be seen, heard and accepted and even liked by others, you will go out of your way to please others, even if that means not standing by your own core values. Yours are determined by the worth that others see in you, rather than what you see in yourself.
   

• Toxic relationships – seeking out partners who are unavailable, which match that of your father may be who you seek out in a relationship. Because of the lack of self-love, you are looking for this void to be filled, unknowingly and if that means you have to accept abuse from them, you do, as this is all you have known from your own father.
   

• Lack of trust – not being able to trust others because you have never been able to trust your own father, due to him being unreliable, abusive or neglectful. It’s all you have ever known, so other people must be the same. You may also have issues with trusting yourself, due to the lack of confidence and low self-esteem.
   

• Perfectionist traits – when a father is verbally and emotionally abusive, the lack of self-worth can lead to you always wanting to create perfection, as you were never enough for him in your eyes. So, you may unknowingly feel shame and guilt if you do not live up to certain standards.
   

• Emotional immature – when we do not know how to express or cope with our emotions, we may have outbursts e.g., being defensive and leading to feelings of being angry.
   

• Addictive and compulsive behaviours – the emotional pain experienced may result in you trying to numb the feelings inside. Addictions such as drugs, alcohol, shopping, porn, sex, gambling, food, internet and exercise may manifest in order for you to cope.